This week Anthony Albanese posted on his Instagram and Facebook on family violence with a caption "It's time to turn on the light". But for some reason, I found the opening line of the post really patronising. The post was incredibly well-intentioned and I have no doubt that he is really committed to this issue. He was also spot on in commenting on how family violence has escalated during COVID19 and that there is need to do something about it.
The opening line was:
“This isn’t easy to talk about – but we’ve got to talk about it. Family violence thrives in the dark, and it's well past time to shine more light on it”.
Firstly, we don’t need to “shine more light on it”. We hear about it every day in the news. We read about it every day in social media and in the thousands of comments expressing sadness and disgust when yet another woman (or man) is killed by their partner or ex-partner. On Wednesday, it will be the 6 month anniversary of the brutal slaying of Hannah Clarke and her children Ailiyah, Laianah and Trey. When we are confronted with this tragic brutality, we cannot help but be aware.
And why isn’t easy to talk about? Women like Rosie Batty have been talking about it powerfully and eloquently since the day she tragically lost her son. Domestic Violence resources centres in each state talk about it. Advocates everywhere talk about. Women and men who been in abusive relationships and have rebuilt their lives are crying out to talk about it.
And who are the "we" that need to talk about it? If the “we” is government, I am really not sure why it would be so hard for a Government to talk about. If the “we” is men, I have often wondered why there is a sense that if we speak about some men abusing their partners and children, then we are asking all men to feel guilty about their gender. If we were to talk about mothers abusing their children, I do not think there is a sense that all mothers would then feel that they are being attacked. I am not sure where this defensiveness comes from, given that the vast majority of men are wonderful and respectful human beings just as the vast majority of mothers would walk over coals for their children.
While I agree that you cannot have too much awareness, I don't think the issue is about talking about it . I think the issue for Governments is about actually listening and acting.
The words "Its time to shine a light" sounds nice but I think we need to do better than just offering women and men a slogan and a referral to a Helpline. It is patronising to women and men who experience violence and who want to leave those relationships but can’t because of a lack of resources and real protection.
Politicians use helplines as our solution to everything. Politicians who actually have the power to implement real change, use helplines as a way to show that they are doing something. They are part of the solution and a great start but they are not the solution. By just calling Lifeline or 1800 Respect, everything will not miraculously be better!
What is not needed is yet another catch phrase or platitude, it is real hard cash and real action like more safe places and more legal aid to name a few.
More safe places
There are not enough places in refuges for women and their children to escape to and to be protected. We can talk about empowering women to leave relationships but they are really hollow words when there is are currently not enough no safe places to go or when AVO’s are ineffective.
More Legal Aid
Legal Aid is essential to provide the resources to gain protection through the court system. Legal Aid is funded by the Federal Government. In the lead-up to the 2019 federal budget, the Law Council of Australia identified a minimum $310m a year shortfall in legal assistance funding. The federal government offered a $20m increase per year, increasing from $350.3 million in 2019-20 to $370m ongoing from July 2020. The Law Council slammed that increase at the time as “abysmal”.
If the term "It's time to turn on the light" was really intended as a metaphor for removing the shame some victims feel then I am not sure an obscure phrase like that really cuts it. Instead, we need to call out issues like victim blaming and victim fixing, loudly and unequivocally and not though an obscure phrase.
Victim blaming
Victim blaming was actually part of the law in NSW through the defence of provocation up until as recently as 2014. Lawyers have been taught and generations of Australians have accepted that somehow the victim contributed to the abuse by making some sort of choice.
In 2012, a man successfully argued that he killed his wife because she told him that she did not love him, had never loved him and in fact loved someone else. It was successfully asserted that she was partially at fault because she had provoked him. He was instead convicted of manslaughter rather than murder. The community outcry led to the defence of provocation finally changing in 2014. While it was heartening that the law was changed, how many other cases went unnoticed or unchallenged with the law upholding the view it was about the victim and not the perpetrator?
I believe that there is nothing I can do or not do that justifies any type of abuse. Nothing! Even if I have actually done something wrong, I still don’t deserve abuse. There may be consequences like a divorce but I still do not deserve to be abused. Abuse crosses that boundary of my right to make my own choices and be my own person.
Victims do not need to be "fixed". Perpetrators do!
"If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive." Dr Brene Brown
There is a view which I think contributes to the shame some women and men who are victims of family violence feel and which stops them asking for help. It is the view that they are to blame for getting into that situation because they have low self esteem or in some way they are weak. We judge people for being vulnerable. It is this same view that makes us build resilience courses for victims of bullying while not taking action against the bullies.
It is a myth that I think has been perpetuated by the self help industry and I think sometimes by psychologists. Your vulnerability does cause you to be abused.
If we heard of someone who is disabled or who is old or who is a child being physically attacked on the street, the victim would never be blamed for being vulnerable. We know that it is not the fault of the person in the wheelchair for being disabled, it is not the fault of the old person for being old, it is not the fault of the child for being innocent.
Why do we then think that in the case of family violence, it is the fault of the woman or man for being vulnerable and that they need to "fix" themselves. It is always the fault of the abuser for being abusive regardless of how vulnerable you are.
You do not need to “look into yourself” to see how you contributed to the “situation”, you do not need to be better, do better or love more unconditionally or take the bad with the good. It is never about you. All you need to do is to acknowledge that this is “shit” and get out as safely as possible.
In one of his previous posts, he held up a sign which said “I, Anthony Albanese, support more social housing to create jobs and help end homelessness”. Practical and to the point!
Instead of the slogan like "It's time to turn on the light", maybe he could have instead held up a sign that showed support for something that would actually help.
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